Monday, December 14, 2009

Reoccurring "Dream"

My child self can't be saved. But most nights I dream about trying to save my child self.

I am running and screaming and losing my breath. Stumbling and shouting for my self to run away. But she just sits there on that stoop on Nagle avenue hands to her chin watching me. I always get to the court yard but I never get close. I run and I run and the court yard gets longer and longer.
I remember my innocents at that time, my eyes wide and bright. What hope I had, what dark secrets and pain I held.
I scream "run away Ashley run!" but all I do is sit there... in that tattered rose colored outfit and a pair of two small shoes... I know I cant save my self from the evils of my past, I know that screaming to my younger self will not keep me from the pain I endured and the abuse that I suffered through... but I keep doing it.
And thats my version of a good nights rest